Incredible, life-changing day, during which I put forth my most genuine, honest effort. I ran, went to church, tried different food, hiked, had an amazing talk with my girlfriend and read a great book. I asked God to work on my mind and He blessed me with a stability and sustained clarity I can use. He gave me Trust, Patience and Faith. Qualities I have struggled with my whole life. Now I have peace. I have food to eat, work tomorrow, a healthy body, robust spirituality, optimism, a roof over my head, great friends, the most beautiful woman in the world loves me, I have a phone, AC, a refrigerator, a working car with gas in it. I’m at the top of my game thanks to St. Joseph, Mary, Jesus and God. A loving earthly father, David.
Tag: jesus
Seen
I pushed today. I wasn’t scared. Were my results optimal? Don’t care. Process-oriented ACTION TAKING. Being in the light. Believing that God is interceding. Challenging me in the right ways no matter how impossible some obstacles may seem. I feel young at heart. My passion is burning. My desire is aflame.
I did my best to listen today. I sat back and appreciated others. My energy was cool and calm. This is new. It almost seems like the more adversity I seek, the better I perform – meaning in a natural way. I’m so impressed with the character traits I am developing and I’m so excited about the future.
I know that I matter and to me, humility means knowing in my bones that I deserve as much as the happiest and wealthiest person in the world. I’ll never stop fighting and that gives me peace. What may seem like arrogance or naïveté to others, I know comes from a place of running aground so many times by underestimating and downplaying my personal power and abilities. There is truly no honor in it. There is honor in optimism, routine, consistency, struggle, ownership, working despite: pain, shame and self-blame. Humiliation, even.
I have finally found my path. Some day I will meet my maker and I want Him to see in my heart and soul that I did the best I could to fulfill the opportunities He gave me. That I appreciated the Grace, Hope and Courage that She gave me. I will be with them one day. Whether it is soon or distant is up to them but they are always on my heart and mind.
Playfulness and She.
Releasing all the tension in my body. Walking like Gumbo. Listening to dark music with a sense of humor about it. Playfulness that’s earned by a hard day’s work. Manifested through toil and turbulence. Gifted by Christ. Look to Him for all things.
Delete instagram. Put away the distractions and just sit there. Pray in your mind. Strength and Intelligence are granted. The means to accomplish your desired ends and goals are granted. Be with Him in the sweet silence. If you trust Him there, the Holy Spirit will be with you always. Protecting and guiding you toward Health, Love and Prosperity. It could be no other way. Where you see no way, He is making it. Faith in the unseen. Joy and laughter. A new flame in your furnace. Right when you thought it was all over- because you were resilient, trusting and steadfast, He granted it. You’re more alive than ever. You have so much to share. You’re Capital-F, Free. The past is data but you are forgiven. Clean slate. Start anew. Lighter than a feather.
She is there with you, too. Goddess. Thank her for her blessed gifts as well. No man can do it all on his own although that’s what they say isn’t it? Look inside a man and where does that warmness of heart come from? The wisdom? The Grace and gentleness. The trap door escape route when you find yourself overtaken and overwhelmed. She’s guiding you, too, with a vested interest. A twinkle in your eye.
16 Miles
Eating more greens and natural fats the past few days. Huge spike in energy and mood.
Slept in the past two days. Very restorative but I don’t want it to become a habit.
During my 16 mile hike today I reached a point- going up hill mind you- that I felt weightless and almost completely un-self-conscious. I really felt like I was in a dream.
It’s so interesting to me how intense workouts produce equally intense insights and positive feelings. It’s like there are all these secrets hidden in my brain that the exercise gods/spirits will only release one by one with each tribute of significant physical effort on my part.
I’m naturally a hard worker but I’m also very inspired by my father who at 67 still works round the clock. God willing, I can help him retire very comfortably soon. Whenever I get tired and want to quit a workout, I think of him. His levels of commitment, dedication, drive, humility, unconditional love and compassion are unmatched as far as I’ve seen. When I think of him, I see no logical reason for wasting any time whatsoever.
Tomorrow I have my first ever confession with a priest. At 34 years old. I’m excited for it. Faith plays a big part in my life. I used to bash people of faith, church, religion. Then, it got to a point that I felt like God was the only one I could really talk to. I believe He listened and set me on a path out of the wilderness.
Since then I have felt very protected and guided. Sometimes in ways that didn’t feel great at the time but sometimes things just aren’t ideal and going through the discomfort and coming out the other side really changes you for the better.
I’m so much more able to let things go now. I don’t obsessively ruminate the way I used to. If I have resentments, in my mind- I say “God bless you” to them. I repent for wrong doings. I don’t want to make any of the same mistakes going forward that I did in the past. In order for me to do that, a lot of it is going to do with eliminating ego. Removing the chip from my shoulder. Difficult- but it’s a worthy goal. I want to pass on what I have learned to others coming up.
I want to be a kind, gentle, benevolent human but with plenty of bite stored away in case someone is intentionally stepping on my toes. Have to be able to defend yourself.
Must be able to defend oneself intellectually, too. I read a lot of books and from opposing viewpoints as well. My perspective has broadened so much from that and I truly believe that the human brain is so good at processing information that even in the background when I’m doing tons of other things that have little to do with what I read earlier or the day before, the information is percolating, and it comes out in my speech, actions, or demeanor in beneficial ways that I’m not conscious of until later. What a beautiful thing life is.
I keep thinking about removing the mask. Removing the mask. No matter how it got there- family, society, whatever. That darn thing just weights a ton and I don’t want it anymore. I now know that trying to wear it all those years led me to feel like I needed things I didn’t need, to act in unhelpful, insincere ways. It might be a lifelong effort but I’ll just keep doing my best to take the mask off again 1 day at a time.
MG33 Platinum 