No early morning jog or evening hike today.
Why? Yesterday was a day of celebration. My philosophy on special days is to put in at least double the amount of work I do on a normal day. That’s what I did and so my capacity was more limited today.
But I looked for other ways to improve such as reading, meditating, writing, praying. It hurts to be still. Maybe that’s a growth pain as well.
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I insist on being not just above the rest but categorically different, and yes, I do mean that in a competitive context.
The thing that I do believe I have going for me is an insatiable hunger. A never quit attitude. I want to outlast Father Time. I want to tear life to shreds in the best way possible. I know I can do it. Maybe it sounds like I’m trying to beat my chest and say I’m great but actually. I am great. In my mind I am the absolute greatest there has ever been and ever will be. It could be no other way. I’m sure you feel the same about yourself too. I love this about human psychology. There’s darkness in the light and light in the dark. Obsession leads to expertise. Desperately wanting to be recognized and to win leads to actual winning with plenty of humbling experiences along the way. There is a guided balance if you remain humble and pray not to go off the rails. Steady on the path.
Pressing forward, emphasizing strengths but asking for help when needed. Remaining respectful and true to your word. Making time for company and laughter.
I’ve become far more interested in the dark side because I feel like toxic positivity has permeated the culture with The Secret and manifestation principles. Advertising. Social Media. Maybe it’s true, I don’t know but the more I do that type of stuff the more I feel like a liar and a cheat. I want to face things head on. I want Capital-T Truth. I want the full story. I don’t want to be expected to be a robot. There is already enough misinformation, mania and deception floating around.
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I am optimistically cautious but when I see someone is a good person, then I am able to open up and joke around. Still, I hold back because… I don’t know. Maybe it’s just too hard for me to open up. Or maybe I’ve been burned too many times. I don’t think all the psychotherapy in the world could change the fact that humans just hurt each other and there really is good reason to be distant/careful at all times. I won’t gaslight myself about that. Still, I hope I can connect more. Time will tell.
I want to be fully plugged in. But.. as far as I can tell, there is only one entity that can make that happen. Trying to do it on my own always feels empty, misguided and ineffective. So… I’ll just keep doing my best and hope for the best.
Tomorrow is another day and hopefully active rest was the right strategy. Goodnight.
MG33 Platinum 